at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
