dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
