Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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