GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
