i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
