You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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