Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
