I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was born a porn star she said
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
