never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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