How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
