I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
