Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
