Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
