at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
