you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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