he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
