Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
