$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
