real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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