Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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