Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Pants are for mortals
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
