How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
