So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
