why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize