Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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