Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
