i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Randomize
