I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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