just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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