I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
