so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize