ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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