No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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