Michael Bay diarrhea
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
