Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
