Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
