and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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