Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My liver just had a heart attack.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
