I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
