Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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