Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
