We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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