my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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