So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
