Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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