I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
