i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
