Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
