I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
