party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
