Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
