I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
