Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just want nice things and good sex
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
