dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
