At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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