In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want to make out with him forever
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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