tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
