guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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