She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
