If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
