yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
