Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
