I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
