mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
