ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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