Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
