It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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