No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
