seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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