so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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