The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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