I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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