did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize