Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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