There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
