my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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