i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mom said you looked used
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
