I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
