Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
