What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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